Raspberry Ripple...(the un-pc Chronical)

Bonsoir,

My day has been dominated by pain today. Annoying after yesterdays fun and naughtiness, but possibly a consequnece of over exerting myself, maybe not. 

My foot is hot, swollen and I can't get rid of the pain. I've had 6 tramadols today so far and they usually stop the ache, but today it's like my stash has been substituted with placebo's. I can't walk on it at all, I wish I hadn't given my 2nd crutch back to Royal Marsden last week because I'm a raspberry ripple right now. I've removed the dressing because i looked down and it was obvious that the swelling was pulling it too tight. I'm home alone though so can't put another one on until Fi gets here. Dependant once more! Bah...

The perimiter of the skin graft has been bleeding a little today, maybe it's just the dressing being pulled so tight over it as it's not painful. It is sensitive though, so when I wipe it to keep it clean, there's a little area that sends an electic shock into my foot. It's a really weird sensation that must be nerve related, i just hope it's only temporary. It might explain the pain and the clawed toes, God knows. 

I was thinking about doing something for the greater good and what to focus on. One motivation for turning to fundraising was because I wanted to work with cancer charities and put something back in to this specific cause. Over the 5 years I spent with NTT, my heart moved towards overseas development as a core motivator. Today, feeling my way along in a new direction I'm more drawn to local community. So I'm torn between cancer and overseas and local causes. Each very valid and as critical as each other to the beneficiaries. I could, I'm sure, cover local and cancer, or a local overseas charity. Maybe I sould depart from all of my areas of familiarity? 

And then what can i offer? Charities are notoriously difficult to become involved with and my skills are pretty specific. Of course, if a Bristol cancer charity had a call centre they need running I'd be great, but that's pretty much never going to be the case, so what else to I have to bring to the table? I'm good with people, I'm sincere and having been there I have a good understaning of what it's like to have cancer. So, maybe I should stick to my core experiences. 

I don't know, but it's good to be thinking this way again. It has been a long time since I've felt I've had the time to think, nevermind offer my extremelly valuable self for something outside my personal needs or employment requirements. 

Something good with come. 7 people have told me that I've been an positive infulence in their successful quiting or cutting down in smoking as a direct reaction to reading this blog. One told me I'd inspired her to go for a job in the sector and she got it despite feeling she had no chance. Literally over 100 have told me they're taking inspiration from it and I've made loads of girls cry! So, there's something going on here, I just can't quite figure out how to move it into the next phase. I've started reading other people's blogs and they're all so much tidier, better formatted, easier on the eye etc. But, they're much more considered and pre-prepared, whereas this was never meant to be anything other than my minds eye in the moment. To change this too much may kill the magic. I need to make sure I understand why people are reading me so as not to lose the audience. Suddenly I've kinda got a job and targets again.

I'm not being an arrogant so and so by the way, just sharing the truth as I see it. Which is often from a totally deluded perspective :0)

One Love

Jez

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